Good morning! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and you feel like shit. You slept fourteen hours, and you still feel like you got hit by a truck. It's like the worst flu you've ever had. Welcome to another day in the life!
(set: $spoons to $spoons +20)
Despite the previous griping, it's actually a pretty good day for you. You have enough energy to get out of bed, and you're not in too much pain to stand, so it's already better than many of your days.
You have [[twenty spoons->begin]].
You have a long to-do list for today-- you need to attend class, meet up with a lab partner to do some homework, print off some medical forms to take to a doctor's appointment tomorrow, clean up the mess you've made of your room, and more. However, first you need to get through the morning. The more activities you do, the less spoons you'll have for the rest of your day, so make sure you only do what's essential.
[[brush teeth]]
[[get dressed]]
[[make breakfast]]
[[pack up]]
[[leave the house]](set: $spoons to $spoons -2) (set: $teeth to $teeth +1)
You spend 2 spoons. You have (print: $spoons) spoons left.
It's hard. You have to lift your arm up and move it in precise motions while continuing to hold it up for at *least* forty-five seconds. This is difficult for you, and you have to sit on the floor to recover for a minute afterwards. Still, your mouth tasted gross. Now you have some clean pearly whites!
[[continue your morning->begin]]Will you wear a [[nice outfit]] and feel good about yourself, or just [[throw on a hoodie and some leggings]] and look like a trash possum?will you have something [[healthy]] or something [[easy]]?(set: $spoons to $spoons -1) (set: $bag to $bag +1)
You spend one spoon. You have (print: $spoons) spoons left.
Meds, water and a snack to take your meds with, wheelchair gloves, laptop and school supplies, phone, wallet, keys... are you forgetting anything?
[[continue with your morning->begin]](if: $teeth is <1)[your mouth tastes horrible, and probably smells horrible too. ](if: $clothes is >5)[at least you look nice! ](if: $clothes is 1)[you look like you just rolled out of bed. ](if: $clothes is <1)[you're wearing the same pajamas you've been in for days, and they smell, and you're embarassed to be seen in public. ](if: $food is >5)[even though you ate a nice breakfast, your stomach still hurts. ](if: $food is 1)[your stomach hurts. ](if: $food is <1)[you're hungry and cranky. ](if: $bag is <1)[aaaaand you've forgotten all your stuff. you need to [[go back->begin]] and pack your bag. you're going to be late for class. ] (if: $bag is >0)[ [[onwards to class!]] ]
(set: $spoons to $spoons -4) (set: $clothes to $clothes +10)
You spend four spoons. You have (print: $spoons) spoons left.
You spend some time getting dolled up. It takes more energy that you'd like to spend, but you look great, and it makes you happy. You feel at home in your body when you wear clothes you love. You even spin around in front of the mirror. You feel a little anxious about how much energy you just spent on non-essential tasks, but you decide it's worth it to feel a little bit better about your dumpster fire of a physical form.
[[continue your morning->begin]](set: $spoons to $spoons -1) (set: $clothes to $clothes +1)
You spend one spoon. You have (print: $spoons) spoons left.
It's disappointing to not be able to dress the way you want, but it's worth it to save energy. you pull on some comfy leggings and an only slightly stained hoodie, feeling a little like you just crawled out of a dumpster. Oh well.
[[continue your morning->begin]](set: $spoons to $spoons -3) (set: $food to $food +10)
You spend three spoons. You have (print: $spoons) spoons left.
Cooking takes a lot out of you, but your friends and family (not to mention your doctors) are always saying that you'd be less sick if only you ate better. So you pull a chair up in front of the stove and sit down while you cook some eggs and cut up some fruit. You're exhausted by the time you're finished with all the stirring and the chopping and the eating, but at least it was yummy.
[[continue with your morning->begin]](set: $spoons to $spoons -1) (set: $food to $food +1)
You spend one spoon. You have (print: $spoons) spoons left.
You throw an eggo waffle in the toaster and eat it plain. Your friends and family (not to mention your doctors) are always saying that you'd be less sick if only you ate better, but you just don't have the energy today. At least it tastes good.
[[continue with your morning->begin]]Easy, trigger! You need to make some more decisions first.
If you take your wheelchair, you will be accosted everywhere you go with questions that are invasive, uncomfortable, and downright bizarre. Not to mention the awkward stares, pitying voices, and accusations of faking. If you don't take your wheelchair, you'll waste unneccesary spoons and not be able to make it through the day, maybe not even all the way to class. It's a lose-lose situation.
[[use the wheelchair]]
[[don't use the wheelchair]](set: $spoons to $spoons -2)
You spend two spoons getting to the library. You have (print: $spoons) spoons left.
You wheel yourself to the library, which thankfully is just next door to your classroom building. Benefits of a small campus! You make friendly conversation with your lab partner as the two of you collaborate on your lab report. You've cancelled on her twice before because you ran out of spoons, and you're afraid she's annoyed with you for it, but she acts pleasantly enough.
Are you actually working on the lab report, though? Your head pounds and you can think of nothing but sleeping. Everything hurts, and concentrating on work makes your head feel like someone's going at it with an ice pick. If you just sit there and stare, though, your lab partner will hate you more than she already does.
[[Fight through the pain and work]]
[[Just stare at the computer]](set: $spoons to $spoons -1)
You print off your papers, stuff them into the backpack hanging off the back of your wheelchair, and [[head home]].(set: $spoons to $spoons -6) (if: $spoons is <1)[you're out of spoons for the day. your room is still gross and your dishes are piling up and starting to stink up the place, but you have a single (disability perks!) so at least there's no roommate to complain. you still have homework to do, and you wish you would have had the energy to see your friends, or work on your art, or do anything except the bare minimum, but c'est la vie. you don't have many friends left because you're too tired to socialize, and your sketchbook has sat untouched for months. at least you managed to get to class today.
you need a shower, but you're too tired, so you'll just be stinky. you need to eat, but you're too tired. you know you'll have less spoons tomorrow because you neglected to eat much today, but you simply can't summon up the energy to walk to the microwave, much less to the dining hall.
all in all, this was a pretty good day for you. you sink into bed, bones and muscles aching, and try to fall asleep. you'll have to do it all over again tomorrow.](set: $spoons to $spoons -4)
You spend four spoons. You have (print: $spoons) spoons left.
You take your wheelchair to class, which reduces your pain and fatigue but increases the amount of stares and invasive questions you get. Even with your wheelchair, by the time you get there you're exhausted.
(if: $spoons is >0)[You don't know if you have the spoons to pay attention and take notes today. You can barely stay awake and upright in your chair, much less be a good student. You're already doing so badly in this class, and you *know* you won't have the energy to study from the textbook later. On the other hand, if you spend too many spoons on classwork, you won't be able to do much else today, and this isn't the only important thing you need to accomplish. Your anxiety mounts. Will you [[be a good student]] or [[zone out]]? ]
(if: $spoons is <1)[Aaaaaaand you're out of spoons. you could force yourself to keep going, but it would leave you in extreme pain and bedbound for at *least* 24 hours, and you can't afford to miss any more class. not that you get much out of going, anyways, but you've used up all your sick days and if you skip one more you automatically fail the course. and you're already taking a lightened load because your chronic illness makes a full courseload basically impossible, so if you drop another class you'll lose your scholarship and your housing and have to drop out of college. so yeah, you can't push yourself any further than you already have. you tell your lab partner you're not feeling well and can't work with her today, and she gives you a dirty look. she *definitely* thinks you're a deadbeat. oh well. you'll find time to print off your medical forms tomorrow, or show up without them, you guess. your room is disgusting and your dishes are piling up and starting to smell, but there's nothing you can do about that today. you barely make it home before you crash.
you're paradoxically too exhausted to sleep, and even if you weren't, your body hurts too much. so you just lay in bed staring at the wall. maybe later you'll be able to do some work on your laptop while laying down. probably not. you're going to fail out of college, you know it. this is just too hard. you're going to live in your mom's basement forever. you start to cry. it's not FAIR. other people get to just live their lives. other people don't have to live like this. how could anyone live like this? eventually, you manage to cry yourself to sleep, knowing that you'll repeat this all over again tomorrow.](set: $spoons to $spoons -10)You spend ten spoons. You have (print: $spoons) spoons left.
You decide to walk to class. You simply can't face the invasive questions and stares today. It's better to look normal but feel awful.
(if: $spoons is >0)[You don't know if you have the spoons to pay attention and take notes today. You can barely stay awake and upright in your chair, much less be a good student. You're already doing so badly in this class, and you *know* you won't have the energy to study from the textbook later. On the other hand, if you spend too many spoons on classwork, you won't be able to do much else today, and this isn't the only important thing you need to accomplish. Your anxiety mounts. Will you [[be a good student]] or [[zone out]]? ]
(if: $spoons is <1)[Aaaaaaand you're out of spoons. you could force yourself to keep going, but it would leave you in extreme pain and bedbound for at *least* 24 hours, and you can't afford to miss any more class. not that you get much out of going, anyways, but you've used up all your sick days and if you skip one more you automatically fail the course. and you're already taking a lightened load because your chronic illness makes a full courseload basically impossible, so if you drop another class you'll lose your scholarship and your housing and have to drop out of college. so yeah, you can't push yourself any further than you already have. you tell your lab partner you're not feeling well and can't work with her today, and she gives you a dirty look. she *definitely* thinks you're a deadbeat. oh well. you'll find time to print off your medical forms tomorrow, or show up without them, you guess. your room is disgusting and your dishes are piling up and starting to smell, but there's nothing you can do about that today. you barely make it home before you crash.
you're paradoxically too exhausted to sleep, and even if you weren't, your body hurts too much. so you just lay in bed staring at the wall. maybe later you'll be able to do some work on your laptop while laying down. probably not. you're going to fail out of college, you know it. this is just too hard. you're going to live in your mom's basement forever. you start to cry. it's not FAIR. other people get to just live their lives. other people don't have to live like this. how could anyone live like this? eventually, you manage to cry yourself to sleep, knowing that you'll repeat this all over again tomorrow.](set: $spoons to $spoons -3) You spend three spoons. You have (print: $spoons) left.
You fight through the exhaustion and general brain fog and write down the key points of the lecture, as well as work on the activity the teacher hands out. It's almost physically painful to concentrate like this, and you and your fucked up brain do a poor job anyways, but at least you tried.
(if: $spoons is <1)[Aaaaaaand you're out of spoons. you could force yourself to keep going, but it would leave you in extreme pain and bedbound for at *least* 24 hours, and you can't afford to miss any more class. You've used up all your sick days and if you skip one more you automatically fail the course. and you're already taking a lightened load because your chronic illness makes a full courseload basically impossible, so if you drop another class you'll lose your scholarship and your housing and have to drop out of college. so yeah, you can't push yourself any further than you already have. you tell your lab partner you're not feeling well and can't work with her today, and she gives you a dirty look. she *definitely* thinks you're a deadbeat. oh well. you'll find time to print off your medical forms tomorrow, or show up without them, you guess. your room is disgusting and your dishes are piling up and starting to smell, but there's nothing you can do about that today. you barely make it home before you crash.
you're paradoxically too exhausted to sleep, and even if you weren't, your body hurts too much, so you just lay in bed staring at the wall. maybe later you'll be able to do some work on your laptop while laying down. probably not. you're going to fail out of college, you know it. this is just too hard. you're going to live in your mom's basement forever. you start to cry. it's not FAIR. other people get to just live their lives. other people don't have to live like this. how could anyone live like this? eventually, you manage to cry yourself to sleep, knowing that you'll repeat this all over again tomorrow.]
(if: $spoons is >0)[It's time to [[go to the library]] to work with your lab partner!](set: $spoons to $spoons -1)You spend one spoon. You have (print: $spoons) spoons left.
You decide fuck it, it's not worth it, and zone out for the rest of class. It still takes spoons to just stay sitting up and not passed out on the floor, but less spoons than it would to actually pay attention to the lecture.
(if: $spoons is <1)[Aaaaaaand you're out of spoons anyways. You could force yourself to keep going, but it would leave you in extreme pain and bedbound for at *least* 24 hours, and you can't afford to miss any more class. not that you get much out of going, anyways, but you've used up all your sick days and if you skip one more you automatically fail the course. and you're already taking a lightened load because your chronic illness makes a full courseload basically impossible, so if you drop another class you'll lose your scholarship and your housing and have to drop out of college. so yeah, you can't push yourself any further than you already have. you tell your lab partner you're not feeling well and can't work with her today, and she gives you a dirty look. she *definitely* thinks you're a deadbeat. oh well. you'll find time to print off your medical forms tomorrow, or show up without them, you guess. your room is disgusting and your dishes are piling up and starting to smell, but there's nothing you can do about that today. you barely make it home before you crash.
you're paradoxically too exhausted to sleep, and even if you weren't, your body hurts too much. so you just lay in bed staring at the wall. maybe later you'll be able to do some work on your laptop while laying down. probably not. you're going to fail out of college, you know it. this is just too hard. you're going to live in your mom's basement forever. you start to cry. it's not FAIR. other people get to just live their lives. other people don't have to live like this. how could anyone live like this? eventually, you manage to cry yourself to sleep, knowing that you'll repeat this all over again tomorrow.]
(if: $spoons is >0)[It's time to [[go to the library]] to work with your lab partner.](set: $spoons to $spoons -3) You spend three spoons. You have (print: $spoons) spoons left.
You grit your teeth and manage to get some work done despite the excruciating pain in your head. It's subpar work, but it's something. You used to be a straight-A student. Now you're working ten times as hard as you used to and pulling Cs. It's frustrating beyond belief.
After an hour or so you make up an excuse to leave. (if: $spoons is <1)[You're out of spoons. You can't even get yourself home; you have to call your long-suffering girlfriend to pick you up. You cry in the car on the way back to the apartment. You hate being such a burden.
You didn't print out your medical form, so you'll have to either use spoons doing that early in the morning or show up to the appointment without them. You didn't do your dishes or clean your room, so everything is messy and disgusting. And you haven't eaten lunch or dinner, so you'll go to bed hungry and have even less spoons for tomorrow.
You lay in bed and stare at the wall, continuing to cry with frustration and sadness and anger anf grief for your old life. Eventually you fall asleep, knowing you'll have to do this all over again tomorrow.]
(if: $spoons is >0)[You have a little energy left. Enough to [[head to the printer room]] and print off your medical documents.]You can't focus. You just can't. You try your best, but it hurts, and your mind keeps sliding away. Finally you just give up and stare at the computer until your lab partner huffs at you. You stutter something about not feeling well and escape.
(set: $spoons to $spoons -1) The anxiety of upsetting your lab partner and being a bad student in general costs you a spoon. You have (print: $spoons) spoons left.
(if: $spoons is <1)[You're out of spoons. You can't even get yourself home; you have to call your long-suffering girlfriend to pick you up. You cry in the car on the way back to the apartment. You hate being such a burden.
You didn't print out your medical form, so you'll have to either use spoons doing that early in the morning or show up to the appointment without them. You didn't do your dishes or clean your room, so everything is messy and disgusting. And you haven't eaten lunch or dinner, so you'll go to bed hungry and have even less spoons for tomorrow.
You lay in bed and stare at the wall, continuing to cry with frustration and sadness and anger anf grief for your old life. Eventually you fall asleep, knowing you'll have to do this all over again tomorrow.]
(if: $spoons is >0)[You have a little energy left. Enough to [[head to the printer room]] and print off your medical documents.]